A Struggle for Control
by notmetrustme
Summary: Mello is so predictable, as always. He is sick of Near always controlling his emotions, therefore indirectly controlling his actions and his life. Well, he wants to get his own back... -YAOI- -MELLOxNEAR- -Rated M for Mello-
1. Anger

"Nnnnh! Ah.. hhh..."

I couldn't help myself. My need had become a burden, weighing down upon me more and more as time went by, to the point where I became angry. I had avoided this for as long as possible...

"Hh..hah...!"

Unlike any other need I'd felt before. Even unlike the need for chocolate. Like my body was asking for it, like when you're too thirsty. I had deprived my body. At least, thinking this made me feel more comfortable with what I was doing.

"Nnnh... haaah!"

No, no matter how much I tried to avoid the truth, this was wrong. So so wrong. Considering... considering what prompted me to do this in the first place. I still didn't understand that part.

"Aaah!" I bit my lip to stop the groaning from getting louder. I definitely didn't want to be heard doing this. I felt myself come close to a finish... this ordeal would finally be over. Hopefully I wouldn't have to lower myself to this for a long time to come. Maybe by then, it'll be about something that doesn't embarrass me...

"Aa-aaahh!!" I bucked my hips as finally, I was finished. I slumped back on my bed and thought over what I had just done. The sin I'd just committed. It felt so wrong.

And yet, as much as I denied it, my body ached for my brain to realise that what I'd done was so right.

XxxxxX

When I opened my eyes, I could barely tell where I was. Of course, I was still in my room, but why did it look so... different? What was different about my room today?

I realise now that the feeling of change was caused by the strange experience I'd been through the night before. When the pressure had become too much to deal with, and I could not escape what I had to do. But the world I was seeing was through different eyes now, like it was... somehow calmer.

My room was still a rubbish tip, with books strewn all over the floor, stacked up in high piles. My desk was completely covered in paper and all sorts, you could barely see the light brown wood of the table top. One could barely stand up in the room without having to kick something out of the way first to put your foot down on the carpet. Of course there wasn't much room to walk anyway, my bedroom was very small.

I never complained though. No point. Every bedroom in the orphanage was the same, some were only slightly larger because there were multiple people sharing it. However, nobody shared my room. Nobody dared even approach it. And I can't blame them. Not even the cleaners came near it. I liked it that way, though, it ensured maximum privacy.

When I dragged myself out of bed today, I seemed more... energetic than usual. Normally, I would act like a zombie for about an hour before properly waking up, seeing as I was not a morning person. But this morning I seemed... ah, what's the word... giddy? Yes, like I had more power. I practically leaped out of my room after I'd gotten dressed.

Saturday. Saturday morning. Matt came up to me earlier, asking if he wanted to play, or something, I wasn't really listening. I declined. Why? Because I wanted to see the cause of my giddiness. The single person who had turned my life upside-down in one night, made me see the world in a completely different way, the one person who had made me commit that sin of the previous night. That selfish act of pure lust which I could no longer contain, despite how strong I thought I could be. Sure, it's a normal thing for a boy to masturbate, but I thought I could be stronger, better than normal. But it's not that which angers me the most.

Oh no, it just had to be that person. I would have at least though it would be some girl in a magazine, or something like that. Something... something to make it seem not so evil. But to think this way of someone you actually know is completely different. It feels deeper, like... I can't describe it. Why me??

So there I stood, in the doorway. Watching. I held my chocolate bar loosely in my right hand, ignoring it's presence entirely for the time being. I was ignoring every other presence at the moment.

And so it happened that the person who was the culprit for all this, the one person who had made me feel such strong emotion that it kept me from resisting temptation, this person turned around from their position on the floor and looked at me with the same blank emotionless expression that I'd seen every day.

"Mello." He said, addressing me directly. I knew he was asking me what I was doing there, although he wouldn't say it in those words. He just looked at me, a piece of a puzzle still in his hand, paused in its journey to take its place in the almost-full puzzle.

So fittingly, I addressed the centre of my troubles in the same manner. "Near." I could have thrown up at the sound of that name escaping my lips. To think, this was the name I'd had to keep myself from screaming out the night before. I honestly at that point could not decide whether to smirk or grimace. Unfortunately I couldn't do both, so I kept my face emotionless. Which was easier, considering it was very hard to pick a single one out of the cocktail of emotions bubbling inside me right now.

Then, I was overcome by anger. This boy made me lose control of myself, yet again. How?

**Yay! A MelloxNear. Yes, I know my writing style has changed yet again. But stfu. XD 'tis better now. At least, I think so. No idea when this will be updated, hopefully soon. Please review! You guys out there who read my stuff are awesome.**


	2. Thought Process

How did I end up this way? I wasn't really sure. All I knew was that now I was pushing Near against the wall, holding him by the neck, squeezing to slightly restrict his breathing. And he looked so beautiful to me. I found beauty in his suffering. Because this was the way nobody had seen him before, the way nobody could even imagine. But now I was bringing this boy to life.

He looked at me with horror, his eyes open wide, his mouth gasping for the small amount of air that my grip would allow. His hands were clutching my wrists almost desperately, trying in vain to pull my arms away.

But not even he could stop me now. I didn't know what I was doing, but the one thing that rolled around in my mind over and over again was to make this boy suffer, I wanted to make him pay for what he'd done to me! He shouldn't have ever affected me in that way, and it was him who confused me so much! Near...

As he noticed my expression (which I guessed looked pretty crazed, but he pissed me off a lot), he wheezed out my name. "Me-llo..." His voice. But it wasn't his voice. It was a voice nobody had heard before, and I was the first to touch him! I wanted that sound more, so I pressed my thumbs a little harder into his neck.

He made a delightful little noise, and put his hands on my face, trying to push me away. Hah, Near, I bet you never thought I would go this far. However, I wasn't stupid. If I went on much longer, he'd die. I wouldn't want him to die, I wasn't finished with him just yet. So, taking one last looked at his tortured (and slightly blue) face, I slowly released my grip and moved my hands to his shoulders, still keeping him against the wall.

He gasped and rubbed his neck, trying to catch his breath back and looking at the floor. Why was that so appealing? The sight of him trying to recover after I'd done some damage to his perfect form. Oh, he deserved this. After all the torment he'd put me through, torment I'd had to put up with, after all this time I'd kept my cool and I hadn't laid a hand on him. But last night was too much, way too much for me to just put aside like I always did. Whether he intended to or not, he'd infuriated me. It was all his fault. Everything... all the things I'd had to put up with. Every time I'd come close to losing my temper was all about him. I was sick of my life revolving around him, so now his will revolve around _me_. Yes, it was only fair. I make him suffer all that I have, every second of it. And he'll see just how much I hate him.

He was looking at me again now. His hand was still on his neck, as if protecting it from another attack. The way he was looking at me was unlike any expression I'd ever seen him make. He looked... a bit confused. Puzzled. He looked at me questioningly, but saying nothing. Maybe if he said something then, his voice would squeak because of what his throat had just been through. Heh. The thought of that was almost funny, not to mention incredibly satisfying.

Now I could smirk. I smiled widely as I surveyed Near's face. A face I'd never seen before. It was like an adventure, seeing how many different expression I could put on that face. And I knew that this was just the beginning of that adventure. Oh, I would answer so many questions, I was sure of it. Questions about myself and Near.

However, I was now calm enough to realise that I needed time to actually think about what I was going to do. I'd just almost killed Near, and who knows what would have happened if I had been just slightly more angry? Shivers ran down my spine just thinking about it. No, this was definitely something that couldn't be rushed.

So I backed away, still smiling at Near. "See you." Oh, see him I would. I turned my back to a confused and slightly scared Near, feeling him watching my back as I walked away confidently. Once I was out of the room, however, I was sprinting back to my bedroom with my heart racing. I had been able to feel my heart thumping against my chest ever since I'd laid my hands on him. Oh, that feeling! The feeling of feeling your heart pounding like mad, being able to actually hear it, along with those soft whimpers. It filled every sense, I heard him differently, saw him differently, smelled, felt and _tasted _Near in a way that completely overwhelmed all reason left in my brain.

Still lost in my thoughts, I lay sprawled over my bed, panting from all the running. However, the anger did not seem to leave. I gripped the bedsheets tight and wondered why the hell I was still thinking about Near. HIM. He who constantly invaded my thoughts, and refused to leave. He who took up all of my time and energy. Well by then, I'd had enough. This just had to stop, it wasn't healthy. If I didn't do something, my whole life would be dedicated to Near, this... sick obsession would take me over. What could I end up doing...? I had absolutely no idea where it would end up either way.

But I knew I didn't want to spend my whole life on Near.

The only way to do this was to relieve my anger, and all these feelings.

The same feeling I'd gotten earlier.

Which was the same feeling I'd had last night.

**--**

**REVIEW PLEASE. Makes the story come faster. As you know. I really enjoy writing this story. Your reviews make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. )**


	3. Nice to see you

I wasn't a bad person.

I wasn't about to make Near suffer unfairly for something he didn't know he'd done.

Although, this was entirely fair. I'd thought about it long and hard, and I'd finally come up with a way to make Near feel just a taste of how I felt. I wanted him to be angry at me. Yes, truly angry. I wanted to see that annoying little robotic face show me anger this time.

One by one, I was going to get him to show all his emotions. I was sure I could manage it. Once I'd seen that brat convey every single emotion in that face, I'd be happy.

So the next morning, I strode into the common room eating a bar of chocolate idly. As I entered, a few girls looked around and backed away slightly, whispering amongst each other and looking at me warily. I didn't mind this; it was a normal reaction to seeing me. A lot of the people at Wammy's House feared me, mostly because they knew how I could get when my emotions got the better of me. I was known to lash out unexpectedly at random people, and all these times were usually because of Near. That is why everyone was warned in advance by Roger when we'd get marks back for something, he pre-empted my actions. This just made me madder because it was like he knew that I would fail to beat Near every time.

Near. He was the only one who didn't seem to fear me. I looked over at him, taking a bite out of my chocolate bar. There he was as always, sitting on the floor with about three hundred dice all stacked up in a grand castle-structure. There was immense concentration on his face with every die he stacked, it made nobody want to disturb him. Not because they were afraid of the consequences, it wasn't like Near was going to run off to a teacher. But because they just didn't _want _to be mean to Near. Nobody saw any benefit in it. Most times people had knocked over his tower, he just ignored them and started building it again from scratch. Like he hadn't even noticed them. Sometimes, I wondered what was going through that brain of his while he was building.

Well, now he was going to think about me. Standing a few feet behind him, I snapped off a piece of my chocolate bar and threw it over Near's shoulder to hit his giant castle of dice. One by one, the dice came crashing down to the floor, at a faster and faster rate. Soon the room was filled with the sound of the dice hitting the hard floor and rolling around in a giant mess.

Throughout, everyone in the room had stopped what they were doing and looked around at me and Near, shock clear on their faces. They knew that if anyone could get a reaction out of Near, it would be me! When finally the last dice had fallen, Near sat perfectly still looking at the huge pile of dice in front of him, reaching all across the floor. I crouched down beside him, eager to see his face. And for a split second, I saw frustration on his face. Frustration! Even if it was only for a brief moment, it was there, and it lingered in my mind. As soon as Near noticed me crouching next to him, his face became emotionless again. I smirked.

"Near… what's wrong? Why do you look so annoyed?" I was aware of every eye in the room staring at me, frozen like a statue. Nobody would dare tell a teacher or anything. They were scared of what I'd do. When Near continued to just stare at the pile of dice, not moving an inch, I moved my face closer to his, so his vision was filled with _me_.

He moved his face back slightly, giving me a slight expression of questioning. Yes, of course he wanted to know what the hell I was doing.

I stared into his eyes angrily and moved even closer, wanting to get to know every inch of his face. I studied his expression carefully, noting that there was also a hint of fear there too. But only a small one. I might even have been imagining it. Mostly, his face remained calm and emotionless.

As I drew ever closer, he moved his head back even more, until he had to use an arm to support himself from behind.

My face less than an inch from his, I stared even more angrily into his face. The more I looked at it, the madder I got. (Yes, the meaning of that word can correctly be interpreted both ways.)

After scrutinizing his face enough, I smirked again and blew a sharp breath in his eye. He blinked rapidly and looked away from me, putting the hand that was on his knee over his eye. However, most of his face was still emotionless.

I knew that from here, I could go anywhere… but I didn't know what to do really. I wanted to do so much to him at that point, as he looked around at me again with a less concealed expression of annoyance. Yes!! I'd achieved it! Filled with triumph, I stood up confidently, looking back down at Near, and at the compromising situation I'd gotten him into. He was almost lying down, leaning back so much from me. It must have been so uncomfortable for him.

Near sat up properly and quickly got into his usual sitting position. Looking at his dice and staying still as a statue. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. When Near began to re-construct his castle, I noticed he was now constructing it in a square around himself. Like a fortress.

After kicking him in the side, I walked away happily, putting a hand in my pocket and taking another bite of my chocolate bar. I felt everyone staring fearfully at me, and I couldn't help but laugh quietly to myself. These people had nothing to fear. It was Near who should be fearful.

As I left the room, amongst the quiet whispers I was sure I could hear Near's voice saying "Nice to see you too, Mello."

**--**

**Yep, another chapter done. Thank you for your reviews, they motivated me to write this chapter. I love to hear your opinions, they help me greatly. Even if you just want to tell me you love it, or hate it.**

**And yes, I'm aware I might be making Mello a bit meaner than other fanfics. That's just the way I roll. After all, in he manga, when we see him at Wammy's House, he's either laughing because he's hurt someone or freaking out, or being angry. So yeah. This makes sense to me.**


	4. Predictable

I didn't sleep that night. Which is not very surprising, most nights I slept a total of 3-5 hours, just enough for me to function. One of the reasons behind this was that it was so hard to just _stop thinking_. I didn't _want_ to stop thinking. The prospect of sleep bothered me in a way. I mean, just lie dormant, doing absolutely nothing for hours on end? It seemed like a waste of time. Besides, it was difficult for me to get to sleep anyway.

So I lay there in bed, under the covers, staring into the darkness. As always. I suppose there was no change from how I acted during the day, emotionally detached from the world, staring into nothing. Although during the day, I had toys to distract me, and make it seem like it was them I was concentrating on. Night time was my favourite time. There are no distractions, nobody else around to interrupt you.

Except from tonight. Tonight was very different. I was being invaded, emotionally and physically. I don't think it's very hard for you to guess who it was invading my mind tonight.

What Mello had done that day never left my mind. So I had been expecting it when, after hours on end of thinking and it was approximately 2:31 am, a shadowy figure crept into my room.

He must have known I was not sleeping. He wasn't even trying to be quiet. He closed the door behind him, engulfing us in darkness once more. I stared at the dark figure approaching me, my face emotionless even now when he couldn't see me. In a way, my emotionless attitude is what makes me able to cope with Mello, who buckles so easily under the pressure of his feelings. In a way, I was supporting him.

I had no objection to helping Mello control his feelings, but I would let him know when he was going too far. Surely, when he realised what he was doing, he would cease. His pride would take over. After all, he lived for his pride.

Mello threw the covers off the bed and wordlessly climbed onto the bed, straddling me. I knew exactly what he was looking for from me; a reaction. Another reaction to what he was doing. That was what his game was all about. And I was playing it, letting him go as far as he dared, showing him what he wanted, while planning in my head, planning my counter-attack. But that will come later, for now I was patient. I let him do as he pleased.

He lowered his face close to mine, less than an inch away. I couldn't see the expression on his face because of the darkness. I doubted he could really see me either. Therefore, he wasn't looking for a change in my expression; he was going to use other senses…

I knew exactly what Mello was going to do. People assume I'm naïve in this area, but actually I'm not. I had just suppressed these feelings a lot better than the average person, especially better than Mello. But Mello was known to act irrationally due to his emotions.

He leaned down even further, crashing his lips with mine violently. What he was doing was barely recognisable as a kiss, it was so violent and filled with anger. His tongue broke through into my mouth and explored it, and I let him. Mello tasted like chocolate.

As much as I'd thought about this, no amount of calculation could have prepared me for exactly what I was feeling. The sudden physical contact shocked me a lot. Nobody had even touched me before, and now Mello was _inside me_. His tongue was in my mouth. And his hands… his hands found their way up my shirt, running up and down my chest. His questing fingers found my nipples and tweaked them slightly. I gasped.

I could feel Mello smiling against my lips. I knew this was exactly what he wanted. He wanted to hear me moan for him. So I gave into the feeling, just this once, just for Mello. But I knew he needed this a lot more than I did. I knew this was not just anger, there was something else there… something I doubt even he recognised yet. There was this need in him. Like pure lust.

That was when I started to get slightly uncomfortable with what Mello was doing. His hand was over my heart, feeling it beating at a much faster rate than normal. He stopped kissing me and started nipping at my jawline. I knew where this would end up if I didn't do something soon.

Mello cherished his control of the situation, but I knew better than to think he had control over what he was doing. If his mind had gotten the better of him, he would not be here. So to get him away, I must make him realise just how little control he has.

I pushed my knee against his groin. As expected, he was very aroused. All my assumptions were correct.

He breathed in sharply, and it was clear he was not expecting that. I took the chance to smile to myself, although he couldn't see it. Suddenly, he hesitated. He slowly removed his hands from my shirt and moved away. I could tell what was going through his mind at the time. He was wondering how he'd lost control again. Lost control of his emotions, as always. Sometimes, Mello was so predictable.

He stood up and wiped his mouth on his sleeve, not looking at me. Keeping the silence, he walked out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him. I watched him go after catching my breath. I pulled the covers back onto the bed and prepared to wait out the next few hours, going back to exactly how I was before. Lying awake, thinking. Thinking about Mello. Predicting his moves, and planning my eventual success. I will win this game, Mello. Just wait and see.

--

**Thanks so much for the reviews everyone. Sorry to make you wait a month for the next chapter! I've been busy lately. But I think about the story a lot, so hopefully that makes it better. Please tell me what you think!**** Yes, this chapter is from Near's point of view. I figured you needed to understand a little more about why Near was letting Mello do whatever he wanted without complaint. But I'll go back to Mello next chapter and you'll see what he thinks of the situation! Until then, bye everyone, keep reviewing for me. ******


	5. Taking action

I sat on my bed with my head in my hands. No matter how much planning I did, I still ended up losing control. It pained me to admit it, but I was beginning to get the feeling that I would not be able to avoid giving in to my emotions at least once. If I could just get closer to Near just one time… just one more time… I would be able to leave him alone for the rest of my life and never touch him or even go near him again.

This enormous pressure was taking over every fibre of my being, controlling my mind and forcing me to spend all my time thinking about Near. My hatred of the boy amplified my feelings tenfold, plus my emotional tendencies didn't help.

Standing up, I opened the curtains and let in the bright sunlight of a Monday morning at only 5 am. I leaned on the windowsill and frowned, knowing that I would not be able to stay away from Near for much longer at all…

In fact, 4 minutes later I was outside Near's bedroom door again. I knew he'd be in there, nobody ever saw Near until after the first bell rang signalling the beginning of the first lesson of the day. The first lesson wasn't for a few hours yet so I was almost certain that he was in there.

Without bothering to knock first, I entered the room to immediately notice a lack of Near. He wasn't there. Fair enough, he could be in the bathroom and just about to return. Ready to wait out that time, I walked into the room and closed the door. For a minute or so I just stood in the centre of his room looking around with my hands in my pockets.

Usually when you walk into someone else's house or room, there is a distinct and unique smell to it, especially if they spend a lot of time there. Near was in the common room sometimes, but most of the time he would retire to his room and be anti-social, as usual. But despite the amount of time he spent here, there was no clear unique smell to the room. I had noticed this when I went there the night before, although I didn't really register it, seeing as I had other matters to attend to.

I lay down on his perfectly made bed. I buried my face in his pillow, desperate to get a scent of some kind. At last, I found it, a smell unique to Near. If only I could stay here or keep his pillow, then maybe I wouldn't need to get close to him. I lay there for a minute or so breathing in his scent and smiling to myself, thinking of the things I could do to Near.

Widening my eyes, I sat up quickly, appalled by my thoughts. I sounded like a stalker. I shook my head and ran my fingers through my hair. That was when the door opened soundlessly and in walked Near… with wet hair. My heart pounded furiously like a tribal drum when I looked up and saw him.

Near stood in the doorway looking at me with no emotion clear on his face. Who knew what was going through that mind?

"Can I help you?"

I stayed in my position on the bed and stared at him, trying to shake the thoughts going through my head.

"Near, I was waiting for you."

"I should hope that was all you were doing in my room." He glanced down. Following his gaze to my crotch, I noticed I was quite aroused. How long had I been like that? Growling under my breath, I stood up and faced Near.

"I'm upset about last night."

He stared at me blankly, his eyes forgiving. His hair… he must have been having a shower. I could feel drool gathering in my mouth, I wanted him so badly…

Near shuffled slightly and lowered his eyelids; if I didn't know any better I might have mistaken that for a glare. I knew he could tell what was going through my mind right now, and it was likely he just couldn't deal with it again.

"Why are you upset, Mello? You look quite pleased with yourself."

I took a step towards him and bit the inside of my lip. The temptation... it was completely overpowering.

"The reason I'm upset… is that I let you stop me before I got any further." With that, I grabbed his wrist with one hand and wrapped my other arm around his waist, holding him close and smirking. I wanted to prolong this moment, freeze the memory of his shocked expression in my memory. He looked up at me with wide eyes, moving his head back to try and get as far away as possible from me in this position. I couldn't tell if he was angry or scared, or both. I leaned closer to him until he couldn't move away and more.

Our faces less than an inch apart, I smirked widely. I couldn't feel his breath on my face, he must have been holding it. Oh this was just too perfect… I would break him!

Finally, I closed the distance between us and pressed our lips together hard. Near had barely managed to close the door before I attacked him. He whimpered slightly at the sudden and forceful contact. He tried feebly to pull away, but I moved my hand from his wrist to the back of his head, holding his firmly against mine and twining my fingers in his damp hair. I brushed my lips with his lustfully, feeling barely any response from his lips. However, it didn't matter if he kissed back. Either way I was getting what I want.

Desperate for more, I ran my tongue along his lips and forced them open, pushing my tongue in and rubbing it against his in need. I was holding him as tightly as I could, pressing his body against mine. I broke the kiss for air and looked at Near's face, panting. His face was a bright shade of pink, and I knew mine was flushed too. He looked back at me through half-lidded eyes and breathed heavily. He looked so weak.

I moved my arm down and wrapped it around his neck and upper back. Hungrily, I moved my head to the side of Near's neck and began sucking, nipping and licking at his pale un-touched skin. I moaned in complete pleasure.

Near bit down on my shirt, trying to mute his moans. It would have been nice to see his facial expression then, but I was too overcome with lust to stop and look at him. Panting, I realised the rest of my plans would be better if Near was lying down. While kissing and sucking his collarbone, I moved my hands to his hips and pushed him down onto the bed. I climbed on top of him and pushed him down to a lying position, the same position as last night. Except this time I would have as much fun as I wanted.

He looked up at me, a pink, panting mess underneath me. I almost growled with want as I smirked and sat on his crotch, feeling his member getting hard. I quickly unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off, tossing it to the floor. Now he did look slightly scared, he knew I was going to take it further this time and that he couldn't stop me.

I grabbed his wrists and pinned them above his head, moving my head down and nipping gently at his nipple. I felt him shudder, heard him moan, saw his chest heaving as I moved onto his other nipple, licking and nipping.

"God Near…" he was driving me completely crazy. I'd completely forgotten everything in this intense pleasure. I started planting kisses down his chest and stomach, releasing his wrists and trailing my fingertips down his chest, sending shivers up his spine. I grinned as I kissed his lower stomach and moaned deeply.

All of a sudden, Near stopped. He just stopped. Stopped panting, stopped breathing altogether. I looked up at him and saw him looking blankly at the door.

Swearing to myself, I turned slowly to look at the door. There, mouth open and hand still on the handle, stood Matt.

"Matt!! What the fuck are you doing here?" I shot a dirty look at him, willing him with all my might to leave. No way was I going to stop now.

Without saying anything and still gaping like a dead fish, Matt closed the door. Footsteps could be heard as he hurried away, probably still with his mouth wide open.

I growled angrily at the interruption. Looking back at Near, his face was emotionless again. Damn it!!

"Near, there's no WAY I'm stopping now." He already knew this, but I felt like stressing it. He looked at me and nodded, probably accepting that he had no choice in the matter.

**Hehehe… more action in this one and less thought process. I can't write more now because it's late but I thought you'd appreciate an update. Please review. More coming soon! Hopefully…**


	6. AN: I AM ALIVE AND WRITING

HI

**HI. OH MY GOD.**

**I haven't updated since July. It's horrible isn't it? I left it on SUCH a cliffhanger.**

**I'm not going to make excuses.**

**Okay, well maybe I will. I recently started losing interest in this pairing. BUT THE INTEREST IS BACK. I DRAGGED IT BACK while it was CLAWING AT THE FLOOR.**

**I've had a lack of inspiration for a long time and just didn't feeeel like it. Then I got shitloads of work and BAM, procrastination settles in and here I am. Queen of Procrastination writing for you.**

**I'm in the process of writing chapter 6, which I guess will now be chapter 7. Kinda. Sorta. But not really.**

**I wrote about half a page when I realised it was nearly 1 am and I had to wake up early in the morning. Following this revelation I got a huge mental block and just gave up writing.**

**But the chapter is looking good, and I have loads planned. So WATCH THIS SPACE GUYS. The next chapter is a-comin'!**

**Again, I do apologise for the loooong delay with such a cliffhanger. It must have been torture, I've heard people complaining about when they find a fanfic they like and find that it hasn't been updated in yonks. Some people don't even read them if they haven't been updated recently.**

**So here's me saying I've beat Super Smash Brothers Brawl, I've beat Portal, and I have an essay to write by Tuesday. I'm back baby, and I'm full of inspiration.**


	7. Won the battle, losing the war

**WARNING: Explicit smutty scene ahead. Really, don't read if you're under 16. Scroll down to the bold at the bottom to get the jist of it.**

"Mello… it isn't too late to stop now." Near looked at me, hiding the feelings I knew were there. Desperation, confusion, need. He _needed_ me to satisfy all of these emotions. Being the kind person I am, all I was doing was helping him. But I'm not denying that I wanted this too. So badly.

I sighed and brought my face close to Near's. Observing no change in emotion, I moved my head again and whispered close to his ear. "You know I'm not going to stop. And you know you need this. So stop playing dumb and pretending you want me to go away because I know better."

Looking at him again, his eyes had relaxed. In fact, his whole face had relaxed to the point where it was easy to tell he had surrendered.

Smirking at him, I brushed my hand down from his neck to his groin, watching him shudder slightly as goosebumps appeared on his skin, feeling my grin widen.

I pushed my hand over his groin, feeling his member through his clothing. Near was already partially aroused, I didn't need to rub him for long until he was fully erect and his panting became audible.

"Ah…. Nh.."

I noticed he was biting his lip to contain his moans, evidently to no avail. I was going crazy with this power I had over him. My pace quickened, pumping him slightly more aggressively. I was still smiling, I probably looked psychopathic. Not that it mattered to me at all. Near wasn't looking at me, his eyes were shut tight, his head to the side. His chest was heaving in a delightful way, it made me so aroused… I used my other hand to pull down my underwear and quickly pump my own throbbing need, moaning loudly and consequently rubbing Near more aggressively without realising.

"Nnnh, Near…." I looked back up at him, still rubbing heatedly, to see him twisted in a form of ecstasy. He was grasping the sheets tightly, quivering all over. His face was flushed and sweating, his mouth, open wide, emitting loud sounds of intense pleasure.

"AH! M-Mello…!" His panting was very loud now, filling my ears sweetly, driving me even more insane.

Before he came, I decided to pull down his underwear and touch him directly. He gasped loudly, the moans escaping his mouth becoming more frequent. He was now moaning with each hoarse pant.

It was so intense, I could barely take it. Seeing… hearing Near like this… it was unbelievable. I threw my head back and moaned, pumping both of us intensely.

I groaned and allowed myself to be completely overcome by Near. If it hadn't already happened.

"AH… MELLO, I'm… I'm… hahh… AAH!"

His hands pulled on the bedsheets in utter pleasure as he reached his limit and came, crying out to the ceiling loudly. This was too much for me, as pumping myself so fast my arm hurt, I came moments after.

We lay there catching our breath for god knows how long, me lying limply on top of him. We were both exhausted. Near's eyes were still closed, as if he couldn't bear to look at me. We lay there in silence, with only the sound of our harsh breathing. My head moved up and down as Near breathed. I couldn't remember the last time I felt so relaxed.

After what could have been anywhere from 5 minutes to half an hour, I finally got up, sorted myself out and left the room to take a cold shower. I wasn't looking at him as I left the room but I knew he wasn't looking at me either.

Neither of us could stand the sight of each other for a while afterwards. It was terrifying, what had just taken place. Horrifying. Disgusting. Terrible because it was so _so_ good.

--

**The jist: Mello gave Near and himself a handjob. They are disgusted by it. Well, Mello is certainly. Maybe there are other reasons Near can't stand to look at Mello now…**

**A/N: Oh… my GOD. AN UPDATE? Yes peoples, this is the first new chapter since July. See? I'm not dead! I can still write (I think)! I've been so busy lately, it sucks. It's nice that I have stuff to procrastinate now and I make more time for smutty fanfiction. I bet loads of you reading this are avoiding homework right now. Don't deny it.**

**Anyway, WHO IS LOOKING FORWARD TO AKANE'S SEQUEL TO POISONED?? If you haven't seen it or heard about the sequel, go visit **** now! You will love it, trust me! Akane's been working on the game for a long time now and it might be out before Christmas, I've been looking forward to it for ages. Good work Akane, keep it up. We're supporting you! **

**Once again, let me remind you that reviews make me happy. More reviews more updates. If you've written fanfics you know how it feels LOL.**


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